28 January 2009

These people just don't get it.

These people are just too nice!! What the hell? WHY... am I not allowed to be grumpy or pissy or feisty or WHATEVER without being BUGGED about it? Why I am even bugged about being "bugged"? Especially when they are, after all, JUST trying to be nice and concerned...?

Tired perhaps. I just "got word" (i.e. looked at the schedule) that I'll be doing the closing shift for a majority of the month of February and I'm suprised to find how NOT happy I am about this. I really thought I was more flexible. It surprises me that I cannot just be okay with this. I will just have to get over it, wrap my little head around it, but not without kicking my feet and pitching just a teeny, TINY little fit about it.

I mean, I knew when I applied (signed on, agree to employment, etc.) that I wanted to be flexible. I am fortunate in my life that, even though I have kids, I also have a husband who maintains the same hours as my kids and can be with them when I have to work something other than a day shift.

But I DID say I preferred days; that I would be willing to do the odd weekend or evening shift, but that I preferred days. I've been working mostly days, my kids need me to be a part of their lives, and now I'm stuck working the closing shift with all the school-aged kids.

Which I don't like. They like me, and I don't know why, and for the most part, I get along with them, but they're just not old enough/matured enough to appreciate/identify/apply the kind of work ethic that comes from needing the job, as opposed to wanting extra cash.

But now, for the month of February, the majority of my shifts are evening and closing shifts and I just can't get over how unhappy I am about this; and even though it is only, for all intense purposes only one month, and the month the owners need and deserve the vacation they are going on, AND the shortest month of the year, I still miss all this time with my girls. I stagnate somewhat in their lives. I lose touch (a bit) with what's going on. I just feel like that's unacceptable.

Plus, I don't get home until late, which I also hate, because there's no time with girls, no time with Kyle, and I already have trouble with mornings as it is. I hate starting the day late, and working late is the super-epitome of that. I just hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It's a change. And I have this whole thing with change, being totally aware of it, wanting to be accepting of it and generally taking change up the tail pipe wherever it creeps in; but where I'm starting to find that my hellbent desire to protect the good of my family meets change with an ugly scowl.

And especially with this??? Why do I-I-I have to be the one that gets the shaft? The short end of the stick? The one stiffed with the lower-end shift? Why is it that I am always getting the shit end of the stick because "you can handle it, Amy"? Just because I can and am capable doesn't mean I want to. It doesn't even make it "all better" any more. It's a horseshit excuse to relegate the small girl, the easy-going girl, the will-do-anything girl to the gallows. And it's horseshit.

I'm just getting so angry. Maybe it's best to wrap this up right here.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please post your comment