11 March 2009

ye olde dukes of hazarde

I have really great friends. I mean, really, really great and kind people around me and sometimes even watching out for me, even when I've gone out and lost my dawg gone mind.

You know who you are--CS, JR, EK, KW (meow), ME, just to name a few--all of whom have been in my life at various points along the way, who share the same heartaches, but who listen to ME pour my ever-lovin' whine into their ears with LOVE as opposed to "oh well"-ness.

This is to you. This goes out to you. The people who are what my "strong" is--the unwitting team of human beings that unknowingly work together to make me feel a little less at odds with myself, a little more human, a little more... sane.

Thank you.

A measly, pathetic term, truly, to describe the absolute, sheer, amazing, unending gratitude I feel for the times they've helped me feel even a shred less of the insane person I SWEAR I am. Not only am I in my own head a little too much, but I'm not exactly surrounded by what you would call like minds or those who understand (save for two, whose initials are both KW); and so it goes to you, it goes without saying, it goes with saying words that are inadequate, my friends, who I love and who listen and who I hope feel listened to, too, across the miles, in a wide span of the map--I thank you.

08 March 2009


I saw the light today. It started with a Ty and ended with a -lenol AND came with a realization that I have been, indeed, coming down with an ever-loving cold.

I slept so well last night that I woke up two hours before I was supposed to be at work this morning feeling well-rested, even after having taken a nap yesterday afternoon. Taking naps, even when desperately tired, is usually stupid. They wreak havoc on a good night's sleep. But it wasn't even a question yesterday. Given yesterday's mood.

When I woke up, though, the light shone softly through the window, the mattress felt soft and cozy, the covers tucked in around my chin, and the scratchy, pre-sore throat all worked together to explain why I've been SUCH a bitch the last two weeks.

Okay. Okay! I know. I know! It doesn't excuse the actions. But it DOES explain the feelings. The overall, extended period of run down irritation with everything. I was actually relieved to wake up with a sore throat. It offered SOME suggestion of why I just kept hitting a wall week on week, long after PMS had its fun run, constantly unable to rework life's accostic ways in my mind with some sense of peaceable perspective.

But here it was. In no uncertain terms. I was run down. And drugs are great. The headache building up at work was met head-on with some extra strength acetaminophen in the analgesics/first-aid cabinet at work; and the relief with which I was able to carry out the rest of my day brought about another realization (or more of a consideration) that any discomfort or pain drastically discolors my dramatic view of the world.