24 October 2015

"Never Argue With Someone Who Believes Their Own Lies"

Indeed. It seems pretty self-evident, although it was a truth that was escaping my grasp for quite some time. It should go on the list of wise, golden nuggets of Things People Should Just Know. Or even better, Things Amy Wish Someone Would Have Taught Her Long Ago. This couldn't have been any truer in relation to my most recent posts, which is where this quote actually got me thinking. 

But yeah. SO wise. You don't want to argue with people who believe their own lies because well, they're not really listening in the first place. They can't. They're too busy clinging onto their own views and versions of things to have enough room in their mind to even consider an alternate possibility.

Even on the minute, slight, miniscule chance that they might take a moment to at least feign their reception of your argument, the problem is just that - they're faking it. Or already preparing for a rebuttle (that probably has nothing to do with what you said). Or taking your words and mincing them. Or twisting the meaning or bastardizing the implication.

They're too closed off. They're self-important. They're deluded. In word, and I ask for a drum roll please, narcissistic.

I would know. Because I used to be one of these defensive dipshits. All truth be told, I'm still one of those dipshits. But at least I'm working on it.

Let me attach a huge disclaimer right here and now: NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES ARE NARCISSTIC.

But many of them are. M was. And both of these instances lend itself to a wider understanding, a wider spectrum of a wider truth that does not have labels. Like the entire ramifications of psychological and spiritual laws.

We're all that someone who believes in their own lies at some point. From the littlest ("no one will know who took this last piece of cake if I eat it right now"---where there is very little collateral damage) to the biggest, most extreme cases ("this is okay for me to do, but not you" or vice versa "this not okay for me, but it's okay for you").

But when it creates such a decrepit imbalance in any matter of debate or contention, especially in a close relationship, it becomes inappropriate. I'd like to say that age makes a difference, but it doesn't. When there is an absolute lack of loving self-awareness, it becomes horribly inappropriate and wrong. Misaligned and disordered. I've read all kinds of books that could back up why this is (I highly recommend their reading), but there's just no way to deny how dangerous it is to be involved in exchanges with a person where compassionate bending is not allowed or practiced.


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